FML vs GMH OMG!

I liked the movie Reservoir Dogs. This doesn’t seem important, but it will be.

So for those of you who, like me, have too much to do all day and not enough willpower to do it, websites like FML can be an excellent tool of procrastination. FML is a collection of user-contributed anecdotes. (If you’re thinking of clicking on that link, be warned before you go: some can be rather explicit, and others use bad language.) Each anecdote begins with “Today…” and ends with “… FML”, the acronym for, well, “‘F’ my life”. The idea is that people post about bad or unlucky circumstances in their lives. Particularly interactive-minded readers can either sympathize (click “I agree, your life is f***ed”) or call them out (click “you deserved that one”*)

The popularity of this online bastion of Schadenfreude has inspired Mugglenet founder Emerson Spartz, and his fiancee, DailyCute founder Gaby Montero, to create GivesMeHope. Similar to FML, GMH is comprised of user-contributed anecdotes, but while the anecdotes on FML focus on negative aspects of the users’ lives, the ones on GMH are meant to relate experiences that gave the contributor faith in humanity. The two founders refer to it as “Chicken Soup for the Soul – the 21st Century, Twitter-style version”.

Neither site sees itself as the other’s rival: Spartz and Montero state in their “about” that they love FML, but they just wanted to share something different. Similarly, in its FAQ, FML points out that its goal isn’t to inspire negativity, it’s to give people a sense of humour about their own misfortunes.

The point I find interesting is the different sorts of people that get drawn to each site. The users on the GMH forums are overwhelmingly gung-ho in their belief that providing bits of positivity to brighten people’s days is a good and admirable task. Contrariwise, there’s already been at least one poster on GMH (since taken down by the moderators, I think), blaring loud and clear that they prefer FML. And me? I procrastinate on both, but if I had to drop one, it’d be GMH in a snap.

Whether GMH or FML appeals to a particular reader more seems to me to reflect his or her view on life. I like FML not only because it’s funny, but because the uplifting stories on GMH just don’t seem to be a reflection of the world I encounter on a daily basis. Not that the people around me aren’t generous (they are) or that I don’t try to be good (I do), but I see my life as a fundamentally humourous place to be. Which brings me back to Reservoir Dogs.

It seems to me that stories also fall somewhere in the GMH-FML spectrum. Some authors present the world as it ought to be, whether they experience it that way or not. We all know that human virtue doesn’t always come out on top, but for the sake of the story, these authors create a world where it does. A lot of fairy tales are like this; so are many books for young readers. Characters get what they deserve, no more and no less; the man shall have his mare again; and Gallant always triumphs over Goofus. These, I think, are the GMH stories: beauty through goodness.

FML stories, on the other hand, are dedicated to reflecting life as the author believes it actually is, reproducing what he or she perceives to be the injustices and cruelties of the real world. Here the bad guys might win, the heroes might behave nastily, and horrible events might happen to people who never did anything wrong. Instead of beauty through goodness, the reader gets beauty through truth** – that is, what is shown is aesthetically pleasing only by virtue of the fact that it reflects some fact about life.

What do I mean? Well, I think Reservoir Dogs is an FML movie. All sorts of ugly stuff goes on in it: people get tortured and murdered; the characters express all sorts of hateful opinions; and everyone’s out for himself. What’s more, each of the characters has done horrible things, even the ones we find ourselves liking. Not only do the good guys not win, but it’s hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys in the first place. This story is appealing not because it gives us hope about the world, but because it trains its camera on the things we know are lurking inside us all – selfishness, joy in the pain of others, the thirst to be powerful – and helps us accept them. Even if our lives are F’d, movies like this seem to tell us, they still have meaning: they’re still a normal kind of story, and it’s OK to laugh at them.

Most GMH and FML stories also differ in tone. The very best GMH and FML stories are indistinguishable in this respect; more often, though, GMH stories have a sincerity FML stories lack. You are not being asked to step back and look at GMH characters from the safe distance of irony; instead, you’re meant to step in their shoes and live with them. Contrariwise, in many FML stories, you watch events unfold from a step back, giving you that extra distance you need to laugh. In Bambi, it matters emotionally to the viewer whether Bambi’s mother lives or dies offscreen; in Reservoir Dogs, we have an interest in Mr. Orange’s survival, but when his story reaches its conclusion, we’re satisfied intellectually, not overjoyed or devastated.

Ultimately, GMH and FML stories (and websites) appeal to two different kinds of people, or maybe one person in two different kinds of moods. A GMH reader might find an FML book negative, immoral, and depressing; an FML reader might consider GMH stories to be saccharine, unrealistic, and condescending. I’m an FML reader myself, and it’s hard sometimes to look at GMH or GMH stories and not think, “Gag me with a spoon!” Reservoir Dogs is my style; Bambi isn’t. But that doesn’t mean there’s no value in Enid Blyton’s jolly good sports or Love Actually. It just means that I have to recognize that some readers want different things from a story than I do. And maybe that’s because they see the world in a different way.

PS Just before I posted this, I found out there’s a third FML/GMH website: MyLifeIsAverage. It underscores the absurdity of reading other people’s anecdotes on the Internet. Does this ruin my theory? ;)

* Most of the stories that get an overwhelming majority of “you deserved that one”s run along the lines of, “Today, I did something very mean and/or selfish, but then it backfired on me. FML”

** Now, I don’t mean that goodness is somehow less true than its counterpart. Real people are good. But I think even the most optimistic person would have to admit that life isn’t always like the e-mail forwards about the valedictorian who decided not to commit suicide because his classmate helped him carry his books one day. Choosing to focus on the goodness in life often reflects an aesthetic – a choice to focus on what ought to be rather than what is.