9 Things Making My Life Better So Far This Year (Jan.-March 2024)
If you’ve read my other recent posts, you know that one very important thing made my life better these past months (and hopefully will continue to do so long into the future): a new baby! But I’m not including major life stuff like that in this or other posts because, well, that’s not the point of these. They’re for little things that are widely available to everyone. So, despite this list focussing on more mundane things, I am over the moon about our new kid and deeply grateful for the generosity of so many others, whether the loving support of our friends and family or the hard work of the union reps and political activists who helped build the system of parental leave that makes my current day-to-day possible.
I’m also generally avoiding including baby stuff because, first, babies are individuals and so are parents, and life circumstances like available leave, career goals, family support, etc. are also hugely diverse. Moreso than for most of the other areas of my life, what makes my parenting life better is less likely to be applicable to others, at best. At worst, it could hurt other parents by conveying unintended implicit judgement. Because, as everyone knows, there is one best way to parent, and if you don’t do it, then you might as well encourage your child to play with live electrical sockets and metal utensils. Luckily, ~*~Some Rando On the Internet~*~ is always around to educate you about the One Best Way so you don’t accidentally ruin your child irreparably! Hooray!
OK, that’s kind of a lie, because the first three items I’m including are baby-related, in that they came up because I delivered a baby in January, but I think they’re more widely useful:
asking experts instead of Google
Still working on this, tbh. And I appreciate that the Internet has made some information available to everyone when it might not otherwise have been (see, for instance, the third item I’ve written about this quarter). But I’ve also learned that searching for answers to questions that require a) human judgement, b) assessment of ambiguous data, and/or c) evaluation of risk and probability is a way to increase, not decrease, anxiety.
If I’m worried that I’ve done something wrong for/to/with the baby, the Internet will happily inform me that the baby might DIE–likewise if I’m wondering whether the baby’s recent behaviour/bowel movement/appearance is normal. It’s technically true, in the same way that it’s technically true that if I ride the bus, I might DIE–or if I walk on the street, or never leave my room, or eat a jellybean, etc. But it’s unhelpful to live trying to avoid those miniscule probabilities of death, and it’s equally unhelpful to rely on catastrophizing online sources when trying to figure out if my kid and I are OK.
Instead, it’s better to ask a real person with actual experience that can be applied to our specific situation, whether that’s our doula, our doctor(s), or other parents we know and trust.
being kind to myself
Knowing what a terrible place the world can be, I find it difficult to accept that it’s okay for me to feel bad about my own problems. I have it better than so many people–for no good reason except luck!–so it’s not right for me to be upset or struggling. I’ve confused the ethical imperative that there are times and contexts in which I shouldn’t centre my pain with the ridiculous idea that it’s a moral failing if I allow my pain to sometimes be central for me.
In parenthood, this has looked like feeling guilty about spending a little money or asking for help when I have so many advantages that a lot of new parents don’t have. I tell myself that I should suck up minor discomforts, difficulties, and inconveniences and just be grateful they’re not major ones.
This is sometimes exacerbated by a medical system that downplays AFAB people’s pain*; for example, I’ve learned that when a gynecological procedure “may cause discomfort,” that’s code for “this will probably hurt like a motherf***er, and the only recommended pain management is to take a woefully inadequate Advil beforehand.” Although individual medical personnel are usually sympathetic, the existence of standards that suggest you’re being inconvenient and irrational when something hurts too much to do the textbook way doesn’t validate how you feel.
Anyway, I’m making a deliberate effort to accept offered help and let myself have/buy the small things that make this new stage of life easier. Like, even if the cheaper brand of a medical item is only a little less comfortable or I could do without my favourite snack from the grocery store, I’m trying to just spend five extra bucks to give myself what minor conveniences I can. So far, it helps a lot more than agonizing over how much I might be inconveniencing others and/or forcing myself to save small amounts of money I can afford but paying in exhaustion or tears or time instead.
Depends overnight
I thought about not including this one since, y’know, is this really the sort of thing I want on the Google-able record forever? But as much as I personally would rather keep this to myself, I am also continually astounded and upset by the number of things about my own body that I just matter-of-a-fact learned during pregnancy that would have been helpful to know beforehand. And that I totally could have not learned if I didn’t have the resources to take prenatal classes or the control-freak inclination to obsessively scour the web for information on what to expect. And so many of the friends and family I talk to report a similar experience.
So, in case you, like me, didn’t know about postpartum bleeding (officially called “lochia,” if you want to do more thorough research): yes, after delivering a pregnancy, you can expect heavy vaginal/uterine bleeding that tapers off over 4-6 weeks, though some individuals might experience it for less time and others for more. During this time, to lower the risk of infection, you can’t insert anything into the vagina, including tampons or menstrual cups. There are special “maternity” sanitary pads, but Depends overnight incontinence underwear made it on this list instead because it was way more comfortable than either pads or competing brands. Specifically, Depends is “thin”; less bulk, for me, meant less uncomfortable or painful pressure on stitches, swelling, and bruising.
quarter-sheet pans (I got these ones from Canadian Tire)
Originally, I bought these sheet pans–which are a little bigger than letter paper–to try out some slab pie recipes. Surprising not even myself, I haven’t actually made any slab pies yet (but they look amazing… check out the cookbook that prompted this quest!). However, Husband and I find ourselves constantly using these little guys to make lunch, dinner, and snacks. They’re much easier to clean than full-sized cookie sheets and are usually a better match for the quantity of food that we’re actually making. You can also fit two of them in a standard oven at once, which makes it easier to cook multiple things.
Café Noma coffee concentrate
This Québecois coffee company sells highly concentrated brews. I ordered my first round because they’re one of the few places that makes a decaf cold brew; although I’ve stocked up on bigger bottles to reduce waste, I also love that they offer the option of portable individual packets, which commuters/travellers/etc. can just crack into a cup of boiling water/cold milk/etc. Oh yeah, and the coffee itself tastes great.
Yeti rambler, straw lid, and handle
How gauche of me to purchase the non-trendy brand instead of a Stanley! Actually, I got this in 2023 when it was on sale and I was getting panicky about giving birth. The hospital recommended bringing a drink container with a straw that reaches the bottom so you can easily keep hydrated during labour; we had one… buuut it was a novelty slushie container from some long-ago theme-park visit.
Long story short, I didn’t find the Yeti all that useful during baby-delivery times, but it has proven great since, an excellent night-stand-and-all-day water cup that reduces the chances I will spill everything in the dark and/or annoy Husband by leaving half-empty glasses around the apartment. I especially have to recommend the optional handle that I bought in February because the circumference of the tumbler is too large to be comfortable in my hand, especially when my nerve problem acts up. The handle fits the cup tightly (even though I have the 26-oz size), feels sturdy, and is easy to hold.
My in-laws very kindly gifted me this upgrade on my previous timers. Setting a timer and telling myself I’ll do some task until it goes off seems to work well for me, and this timer has a lot of great features: it has six easy-to-use presets; you can also set a custom timer; and it’s USB-rechargeable. But perhaps most important for new-parent me, it can be paused mid-countdown if a more urgent task (like, say, calming an upset baby) comes up.
Blue Tide frozen sashimi
This is one of the aforementioned indulgent minor conveniences. The frozen, pre-cut sashimi is better than any other supermarket sushi/sashimi I’ve tried, is easy to store, and makes a darn good fast-food-chain-style poke bowl at less than half the price. I make a slight variation on the sauce from this recipe (I use chili garlic sauce instead of sriracha and garlic separately).
Honestly, I dithered for a long time over whether getting one of these would be worth it. If you don’t have access to a dishwasher, I can’t wholeheartedly recommend it, but, if you do, it’s a game-changer. The non-stick grill/griddle plates pop off at the touch of a button; release food easily; and (as you may have guessed from the previous sentence) are dishwasher-safe. I can make a whole batch of pancakes at one go, with less mess, and Husband can easily cook sandwiches, sausages, and various other meals he enjoys.
* And the pain of other marginalized groups.