5 Observations About My Masc-of-Centre Pregnancy Wardrobe

There are relatively limited resources on pregnancy overall, and, of those sources, even fewer address the specific experiences of masc-of-centre folks like me. When I searched for “what to wear to work when pregnant,” I got a lot of femme recommendations reassuring me that I could still find cute dresses and blouses. I’m glad those resources are out there for those who need them, but they didn’t answer the questions I had. I found one or two personal accounts on Reddit, but not from folks who wore the kinds of clothes I do for work.

So now that I feel comfortable discussing my pregnancy publicly (oh yeah, hey, guess what, I’m pregnant!), I wanted to contribute more of the kind of resource I wish I’d been able to find about masc presentation and dressing while pregnant. Everyone’s experience of pregnancy is different, but I hope some of this will be useful of some of you out there!

In no particular order:

1. No matter how you dress, you (might) get the worst of both worlds.

For me, because of my body type and presentation, I still get misgendered even during my third trimester. So I have all the discomfort of my body not matching the gender presentation I prefer and the regular physical discomforts of pregnancy, not to mention that most information directed at pregnant people is pretty heteronormative and aimed at a single, very specific version of femininity… and no benefit of people not giving me side-eye in single-gender spaces. *sigh*

I guess at least inside I don’t feel any internal dilemma about taking a seat on transit or using gender-neutral washrooms if I needed to. Still, it’s sometimes frustrating on a crowded subway train or bus when it feels like people are offering seats to femme-appearing persons and sort of just ignoring me as I cling to poles because part of me feels like, maybe they’re right and I don’t actually need a seat compared to others.

This is, of course, specific to me: there are folks who might have the opposite problem (getting misgendered as female because strangers perceive their pregnancy), and others (or the same folks) who might embrace pregnancy as an expression of their masculinity.

2. You can find maternity clothes in the “men’s” section, as long as you don’t care about labels. (But check the details if formal or “normal” appearance is important to you!)

Most clothing marketed as maternity is femme, but a lot of “men’s” clothing can fit pregnant bodies. (For my own style, I’m not a big fan of fits intended to be baggy, but, if you are, there are of course even more menswear options for you!)

Stretchy tops:

“Men’s” tees, polos, henleys, rugby shirts, and sweaters in my pre-pregnancy sizes still fit me even now, halfway through my third trimester, even some of the ones I’ve altered for closer fit. I don’t think I’ve stretched any of them out of shape, but I guess I’ll find out later!

If you wear more formal tops as well, you’ll probably want some tanks or plain tees under them in case glimpses of your bottom layer (or lack thereof) peek through your buttons and/or you want to obscure the outline of, say, an innie bellybutton that’s now an outie. I found it relatively easy to get a few maternity tank tops in fairly neutral colours and cuts, but if I had to do it again, I’d just get a big ol’ pack of “men’s” cotton T-shirts in a slightly larger size than usual.

Collared shirts:

If you’re willing to accept some bagginess, you can buy or borrow a size or two larger than typical. For me, I found that going up one or two sizes didn’t much change the fit on my shoulders, just my torso. Which means that, once I know what “my” stable postpartum size is, I can probably keep the 3-4 cheap collared shirts I bought and add darts/alter the side seams for my desired long-term fit.

Trousers:

If menswear pants fit you in length, then you’ll be as delighted as I was to discover that the pandemic work-from-home period spurred brands like Uniqlo and Old Navy to make chinos, jeans, “wool,” and corduroy pants that look like they are button-/fly-fastened from the outside and are actually elasticated with drawstrings on the inside.

However, I learned to check whether the waistband included belt loops (Old Navy’s didn’t); although I outgrew my belts fairly quickly in the second trimester, pants with belt loops tend to have a more “normal” looking waistband, whereas ones without look a little bit like toddler pants, with the elastication obvious. I ended up wearing the Old Navy pants only with untucked shirts and/or sweaters that covered my waist.

3. Your regular ties will probably be fine.

In my first trimester, as the new school semester loomed on the horizon, I could not for the life of me Google up any advice at all on wearing ties while pregnant. So here’s my most important contribution to the internet: your regular ties will probably be fine through pregnancy. I had to knot mine with a shorter “tail” than usual, but it was relatively easy to get them to my new “belt buckle” lengths. And when the thin side wasn’t long enough to slip through the loop on the back, tie clips were clutch to keep it in place (or, of course, you could wear a vest or sweater on top).

4. Compression socks/stockings are great, but some prescription brands sell only pantyhose/nylons for certain lengths.

I found over-the-counter knee-high compression socks very helpful for everyday walking around, teaching, and working. I was able to find relatively inexpensive styles I liked at Ames Walker’s online store, and they’re comfortable enough that I suspect I’ll keep wearing them to work after parental leave. (Side note: I also learned that the compression socks I bought a few years back from Muji, also for work, are probably a size too small for me, as they are way tighter than the ones I measured myself/got measured for. Ya live, ya learn!)

However, when I needed to go on a longer flight and had to buy over-the-knee prescription compression stockings, the physiotherapy office I used found that their main supplier had discontinued longer lengths in any style but sheer pantyhose. This wasn’t my favourite, but I probably would have been better able to approach it if I’d known what to expect. So, that might be something to consider if you’re in a similar position.

5. It’s OK to worry or be sad about losing your carefully curated clothing collection.

Last but not least… look, fellow AFAB masc folks*, many of us find that the clothes we like wearing aren’t made for our bodies. For each person, the problems are different: having curves, being “too” short, having feet that are “too” small, button gap, etc. My specific experience isn’t universal, but I do know that putting together a wardrobe of gender-non-conforming clothing that fits your body is a big investment.

Sometimes, that investment is financial, if I get clothes tailored or buy from unique but often pricey businesses that cater to my demographic. Sometimes, that investment is time, trying on different brands and fits and trends. Or altering my own clothes. Or scouring store after store to snag that one style that’s getting discontinued. Or all of the above! Plus, there’s the emotional investment of having to sometimes explain what you want and who you are to various staff, not knowing if they’re going to be helpful or judgmental or misgender you.

As well, for me, the process of building that collection was also the process of building confidence in myself and my identity, learning how I like to present and to be open in who I am. I’ve invested psychological growth as well.

So it was and is upsetting to face the prospect of maybe losing all that investment–especially since I can’t know for certain whether my sizes will change permanently or just for a while. And although the loss may be objectively trivial, compared to the gain of a brand new human being, it’s still OK to feel sad or worried about it. For me, those clothes and shoes are tied to my sense of self in the world, and that’s a big thing to wrestle with–for anyone.

* I’m not saying that gender-conforming and/or femme people have an easy time finding clothes; there are many reasons why someone might find that mass-produced fashion doesn’t fit their body or presentation or both! This just happens to be mine.