What To Do When You Run Into Your Prof Outside School

(At first, I thought this blog entry might not work during social isolation, since nobody is running into anybody now. But then I realized–actually, this is the perfect time to post! There are no stakes, people can consider the ideas without having to apply them right away, and nobody will think I’m passively aggressively talking about some recent awkward run-in because there can’t have been any!)

I’m told elementary-school students often believe that teachers live in the school building. It makes sense, then, that a first-grader might be shocked to see their teacher picking up milk at the grocery store.

University students, on the other hand, are intellectually aware that their instructors and professors are fellow adults with lives of their own. They know–at least in theory–that we might be walking around campus, eating at nearby restaurants, using the same public transit, and grabbing coffees at local cafes. However, some react with just as much surprise (and occasional dismay) to run into us as the above first-grader.

I know I did, when I was an undergrad. My own emotional experience might be a bit extreme–I had a tough time negotiating social encounters with authority figures outside structured environments like classrooms or scheduled appointments well into my twenties. I’m pretty sure that if you stuck me back in frosh year, I’d find my voice drying up all over again.

So here’s a few guidelines to help you figure it out better than I did.

(Obviously, these are going to be idiosyncratic because, hey, professors are people. I can tell you only how I’ll react.)

1. I, too, am an introvert with a love of solitude.

Like The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy says, Don’t Panic. I’m not like the NPC in a stealth game who just got a big “?” over my head and, come hell or high water, will wander over to investigate. Just because I noticed you doesn’t mean I’m going to come over and talk to you.

In fact, me, personally? I probably won’t. We’re likely in the mall or on the subway, and, 9 times out of 10, I’m caught up in my own thing. Even if we’re on campus, I’m probably going somewhere, like my next class or my office, with my mind on whatever I have to do next.

2. I will absolutely follow your lead.

That said, if you greet me and strike a friendly conversation, I will be happy to respond warmly. If you nod awkwardly, I will nod too (probably equally awkwardly).

If, as is often the case, I see you recognize me and make the “oh no, a prof” face, I will pretend not to see you so you don’t have to make social contact with me. Really. I’m not here to torture you, I just want to interact professionally and supportively.

3. I really don’t care if you just skipped my class. (But I will remember this encounter if it comes up later.)

Have I run into students immediately after a class they skipped? Yes, I have. Have I ever confronted those students? No, I haven’t. Because: I teach adults. You don’t wanna come, you don’t have to come–you just gotta be prepared for the consequences (like having to catch up on content, missing participation marks, etc.)

And that’s 100% your business! You are a grown-up person who gets to decide what your priorities are and manage your time accordingly! I don’t know what’s going on in your life, and I won’t judge you as a human being.

… but don’t assume that means you should push your luck.

Story time. (It won’t be a very good story, since I am obviously taking out all the potentially identifying information.)

Have I run into students on campus immediately after a class they missed? Yes, I have. Have I weeks later, after participation marks were posted, received a request from those same students that I excuse them from that class because, according to them, they were physically unable to come to campus that specific day? Yes, I also have. Did I grant that exemption?

No, I did not. Don’t do that, please. I acknowledge that despite the circumstantial evidence, these students may have had valid underlying health or other issues that they weren’t prepared to talk about, but we do have processes for those at our university, and I have to go with the evidence that presents itself.

4. Read the social context.

This is a guideline for both of us, not just for you. We might have plenty of good reasons we need to talk, but neither of us should let those reasons spill over into public life inappropriately.

If one of us is currently occupied in a way that’s rude to interrupt–having fun with other people, working out at the gym, shopping for personal items like underwear or toiletries–the other should be mindful. You don’t particularly want to converse with me while I’m putting on my swimsuit in the pool changerooms; I, too, don’t want to tap you on the shoulder and discuss that one assignment while you’re deciding which condoms to buy.

If the matter we need to talk about is really urgent, then maybe let our running into each other remind you to make a separate appointment to discuss it, but let’s agree to preserve each other’s illusion of privacy.

5. I might not remember your name right away, but I do know who you are.

I work hard to learn the names of every one of my 250-ish students each semester. But even so, sometimes I can’t bring your name to mind right away.

Let’s be real: sometimes, after a day teaching, I’m so worn out that I can’t bring my own name to mind right away.  Plus, I often know your name in that I can match the right name to the right student, but without the list of names in front of me, I’m like “Arrrggggh, I know it starts with a G and ends in a vowel!!!”

Which isn’t to say I don’t know who you are. I definitely do.  I remember conversations we had, your usual seat in the classroom, the assignments you submitted, that one question you asked that was really important, the cool hat you used to wear, etc. I just can’t summon up your name in a second, whether you’re my current student or a former student.

(Like, seriously, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve chatted with a student, racking my brain for their name and then remembered it five minutes after they walked away… )

6. I will be conscious of your privacy and safety.

If you disclosed anything to me in a safe classroom environment and/or through confidential school processes, I will not assume the people around you know that information too. For example, if you’ve told me that you’re trans, and I’m not 100% sure the people around you know that, I’ll avoid using any name/pronouns to refer to you unless you use them first (or unless you previously told me it’s OK to do so in public).

I won’t talk about your grades, or make-up assignments, or anything that happened in class. I won’t ask you about your health except in the general, “Hey, how’s it going?” generic kind of way.

And if there’s something private we seriously have to talk about, the absolute most I’ll say is, “Oh, hey, I’ve been meaning to email you. Check your inbox this afternoon!”