Second Thoughts on “7 Things I Am Really, Really Bad At”

Almost 10 years ago, I got sufficiently bored that I wrote a blog entry about things I decided I was “really, really bad at.” I promptly forgot all about it. But then, because I’m a narcissist/procrastinator who reads my own blog for fun instead of doing work, I came across it again last month.

So I thought it might be fun (for me — I have no idea what you get out of this! Enjoy!) to revisit what I wrote then and see if I still agree.

The first thing 30-something me notices overall is, man, 20-something me had some really weird ideas about “being” good or bad at things in general. That’s not how I think of, well, people anymore. I think more in terms like “skilled” and “unskilled.” And, honestly, as more experienced adult, I’ve noticed that some people who label themselves “bad at” stuff are inclined to use that as an excuse not to try to improve, which doesn’t give me a good impression of that framing overall.

On the other hand, I have compassion for 20-something me and other people with similar mindsets: living in a world where you can be “bad at things” kinda sucks. It’s not like you’re thinking “I’m bad at X” because it feels good. It might feel better than other, more productive options, but it still feels bad to be bad at things! And it’s scary and hard to try to be better and fail! Life is tough.

So… let’s see whether the things I thought were tough then still rank for me now.

Music

My sense of rhythm… leaves something to be desired, and so does my ability to sing on-key. Then again, I don’t play or sing much music. In the past, when it’s been important to me — for example, when I had to sing as part of a play or because I wanted to join in with friends on karaoke night, I put in the effort and came out with OK results.

I know I’ll never be as excited about certain tracks or songs or artists as my family members and friends who are as into music as I’m into writing. That’s okay! I do like learning, and sometimes, I like learning about music — through classes about music history that help me to understand some Western canon, by asking people who are into music to share their must-hear favourites, by keeping an open mind when I hear ambient music that other people have chosen to play, and by sometimes reading critics’ recommendations.

I am superlatively lucky that I have access to technologies and services that make it easy to listen to a piece (as long as I don’t mind hearing ads), so why not take advantage of that when I have a chance and the mental space? And, while I’m at it, I’m gonna stop thinking about my taste in music as being “bad” or somehow incompetent — I’m allowed to like what I like.

Food

Ten years ago, I wrote that I couldn’t tell the difference between fancy or un-fancy versions of food, and the proof that you don’t have to be naturally gifted to learn all this stuff is: I absolutely can now that I’m more excited about cooking and learning about different dishes. That doesn’t mean I like haute cuisine better than “batter it and throw it in the deep-fryer”; both are great, and I love trying different flavour profiles and cooking techniques.

Social interaction

Not gonna lie, having written that I’m “bad” at this makes me cringe a little for my past self. Not because there’s anything wrong with not always being able to talk with people, but because at this point in my life, I know that considering yourself to be “bad” with people is a self-fulfilling prophecy that can turn into an excuse.

It’s true, I’m never going to be a charming extrovert like some of my friends and family; I’m never going to love talking to people or be as enthusiastically curious about new folks I meet as the thriving social butterflies whose people skills I admire.

But… so what? I’m okay with who I am: someone who likes being alone a lot of the time but who can also enjoy hanging out with others. Someone who — like literally everyone else in the world — isn’t always going to get along with everyone, or want to. Someone who feels fine with the social skills she has and is always ready to develop them further to rise to new challenges.

Video games

It turns out that playing video games makes you better at video games. Who would have thought?

Of course, you have to want to play the video games first. I still don’t care for first-person shooters (or just: shooters at all), so I suspect I’m still not so great at those. And compared to gamer friends (and spouse), I could use more platforming/reflex skillz.

But, hey, I beat most of the games I start playing, even the platformers and open-world action games I thought I’d never be able to play competently.

I guess I’m limited by my ability to use certain control schemes for particular durations without physical pain, but I see that less as “being bad a games” and more like “some types of gaming aren’t accessible for me.”

Money

I am very, very fortunate that money isn’t a serious problem for Husband and me. Still, it’s difficult not to feel like I could always be saving more, could be buying less — that weird counter-pressure of living in a culture where everything screams BUY BUY BUY all the time. I’m worried that we won’t have enough to live on when we retire… or if we have (a) kid(s)… or if one of us loses their job… or…

So what I seem to be actually kind of bad at right now is managing my feelings and worries about money. What’s the point of having money if you don’t use it to make yourself happy now and again? I’m getting better at that, and at putting together a practical budget that doesn’t quietly assume that spending anything discretionary is bad, bad, bad and that financial disaster will strike any day now.

Sleeping

I am actually getting better at sleep hygiene. I have a pre-bed routine, I try to avoid computer and phone before bed, and I keep the same bed time every night. Working out more often and harder makes it easier for me to fall asleep quickly, without being awake for an hour first…

… Sometimes. If I’m not physically exhausted (and occasionally, frustratingly, even if I am), I can expect to be awake in bed for at least 30 minutes, if not much, much longer. I’m better at gently rerouting my thoughts from places that keep me awake (e.g. planning for tomorrow, worrying at things that upset me), but I still can’t always drift off.

I’d also like to shift my sleep schedule an hour or so earlier, since it seems I always want to sleep 9 hours or so when I’ve been physically active, but waking up mid-morning doesn’t work for me. That’s not going so well so far — I probably need to talk to Husband about it so we can both support that new timing.

Marketing

Where I’m at here is harder to describe. I’m more confident marketing my stuff — like, if I want people who know me to know what I’m up to, I don’t feel like OH NOEZ IF I MENTION ANYTHING I’M WORKING ON EVERYONE WILL HATE ME FOREVER. I’m like, meh, it’s social media, they can ignore this if they want to. Writing job-application-y-type self-marketing is a ton easier than I ever thought it would be.

But I’m also way happier when I don’t have to market my stuff. Instead of submitting my work to editors over and over, I’m fortunate to be able to leave that work to my agent, who is way better at it anyway. I don’t run a small business anymore, and I understand that marketing my treasure hunts was hard because I didn’t enjoy even successful outcomes (lots of strangers joining my hunts).

So, overall, I think I’m more confident and competent at most of the hills that seemed too steep for early-twenties me. Which makes me optimistic for the future: what will forty-something me make of the hurdles that stymie me now?