Dead Heat: “*You’re* a Zombie – Let’s Go Kill Them!” (Or, Why You Should Always Double Tap)

Graaaaa… BRAIIIIII- *ahem*, oops, sorry, something got caught in my throat.

I’m here today to tell you a story. It’s not a pretty story — full of brains in more ways than one — but it’s the truth. It happened in High Park last Saturday.

And now we all must fear.

The day started like any ordinary day for four teams. Let’s imagine them now, happily strolling in the sunshine, enjoying the fresh air, laughing with each other: the elite Special Tactics and Rescue Service on what they thought would be a relaxing day off; the Cheapside Dandies ready for an afternoon of wholesome outdoors fun; the Post Apocalyptic Warriors (aka Team Gloria Gaynor) prepared with backpacks full of healthy snacks for an idyllic picnic; and Team Not Delicious anticipating a pleasant romp in the park. But such innocent dreams were about to be rudely shattered.

Out of the darkness of the forest stumbled Frau Doktor Zombiesatemeinbrains.

The horror…. (photo by Juliana)It was too late to save her, but in the moments before death, she managed to impart the bloodcurdling news: through a series of experiments gone horribly awry, the Doktor had unwittingly loosed the walking dead on the world. Unless someone could find the Necronomicon and read the spell to lay the undead to Earth, soon the world would be filled with shambling, rotting corpses. Sure enough, as the Doktor breathed her death rattle, the teams looked up to find uber-Zombie Patient Zero stumbling toward them.

Armed with nothing but barely-loaded pistols and the scraps of information the Doktor had been collecting before her untimely demise, and prevented from using any kind of computer or telephone technology, the teams set out to rescue humanity. Luckily, the Medic was there to help by curing those who had been contaminated by the Zombie virus. Even so, the ghastly events that unfolded were beyond anyone’s imagining.

At first, the teams took shelter in nearby public libraries in order to translate the Doktor’s German instruction.

Sehr gut, Team Not Delicious

Books – because knowledge is power! (photo by Juliana)

They quickly realized, however, that they’d have to return to the park — where Patient Zero lurked — in order to make sense of her ciphers and notes.

The fate of humanity depends on it!The inevitable spread of the contagion started with the Cheapside Dandies, who suddenly found two of their teammates transformed into shuffling undead. One of the survivors escaped only by jumping a fence (!) After being shot by their fellow humans, the Special Tactics and Rescue Service succumbed one by one to the infection, too.

With roving zombies on patrol, Team Not Delicious did their best to sneak around out of sight. But when infected by former STARS zombie Kevin when the Necronomicon was just within grasp, they made a tough choice: preserve their humanity and run out of time to find the Necronomicon, or allow the contagion to follow its natural course and pursue the Necronomicon while they still could.

The not-delicious zombies discovered the cursed book in the horned hollow of a tree.

It glows! (photo by Kevin)But alas! Upon discovering the Necronomicon, Not Delicious discovered that the spells inside — one To Lay the Undead to Rest, the other to Raise the Undead Legions — were in code! Not just any code, but one requiring the ability to fill in the blanks of quotes from zombie movies and musicals!

Not Delicious knew they were not long for this world. They struggled valiantly to come up with the last word of the spell to Raise the Undead Legions, but to no avail. Repenting of the sacrifice they made of their humanity, with their last strength — and the help of Kevin, who fought against the zombie curse laid upon his soul to retain his individuality for just a few moments longer — they got the Necronomicon to the only remaining team of Survivors: the Post Apocalyptic Warriors.

The Post Apocalyptic Warriors relied on stealth, craftily hiding around the park and drafting passersby to  help them finish the Necronomicon quotes. They didn’t dare approach the Medic or any wide, open space. They knew the rest of the former STARS and Patient Zero were on their trail, determined to force a win for the zombies by infecting every last player.

Finally, at 19h00, beleaguered by bloodthirsty zombies, the team made a tragic decision that forever changed the fate of life on this planet. Knowing that whatever happened, they would come out on top, the last Survivors betrayed humanity and read the spell to Raise the Undead Legions.

So, although it hardly matters, seeing as how we’re all doomed, here are the official standings:

Winning team (and last Survivor team): Post Apocalyptic Warriors, aka Gloria Gaynor

First they were afraid, they were petrified (photo from Juliana)Winning Side: the Zombies

Team that Found the Necronomicon: Not Delicious

Best Costumes: Special Tactics and Rescue Service

Check out those specially printed, matching uniforms (photo by Juliana)Best Zombie Evasion: the Cheapside Dandies (I did mention the whole jumped-a-fence thing, right?)

Special thanks to:

Deb A. and Seb K. for their sehr hilfreich German translating
Debra K. for brainstorming on the information penalties
Dave H. for making helpful suggestions to refine the rules for Patient Zero
Natalie G. for the same, for the loan of her Catchphrase buzzer, and for preserving humanity as the Medic
Ryan M. for spreading the contagion as Patient Zero
Juliana B. and Kevin L. for sharing their photos
and…
EVERYONE! for playing. Hope you all had as much fun participating as I did making the hunt! See the Dead Heat website here.

Braaaaiiiiiiins! (photo from Juliana)As always, if you are in one of these photos and would prefer me to take it down, please just comment. Likewise, if you have any fun anecdotes of things that happened to you during the zombie apocalypse, please share in the comments!

Stay tuned next year, when an ancient prophecy foretells the rise of the magically gifted Chosen One, who alone among other wizards and witches has the destiny to solve clues, find mystical amulets, and fight the rise of Dark Magic!