OK, Short Reviews for Real This Time

Otherwise known as, “here are some books and films I read and/or watched lately”. Because I don’t have anything else to write about, I will tell you what I thought of them.

1. The House on Haunted Hill (1959). Not to be confused with its recent remake with Geoffrey Rush and Taye Diggs. This is the Vincent Price version, and you can see it online legally and for free at the Internet Archive. It’s only about 75 minutes long. So, just to let you know, I think I’m in love with Vincent Price, because he is made of awesome. This movie is especially neat because it originally had stuff that popped out into the audience, both in the sense of 3-D shots and in the sense of actual marionettes of scary things (won’t spoil the film by telling you what) descending over the seats. The plot: eccentric millionaire Vincent and his wife have rented a haunted house and offered a bunch of people a whack of money if they can stay the night. The house is already infamous for the number of murders that have occurred within its walls; the audience is unsure until the end of the movie whether the house actually is haunted, but it’s always clear that someone/thing within those walls wants at least one of the guests dead. There are plot holes galore (who builds a house where people are locked in instead of out? Who keeps an acid pit in their basement after someone falls in and dies?), but it’s great fun, and full of Agatha-Christie + Edgar-Allen-Poe suspense (ie, “I know something’s going to happen, but I have no idea what or to whom or why. I hope it’s not sudden and frightening!”). Grab your popcorn and plunk yourself in front of that computer.

2. Tithe and Ironside, by Holly Black. There seem to be a whole lot of recent YA novels about the treacherous realm of faerie, mixed with an urban setting. I’ve seen Holly Black’s work particularly recommended on a lot of the websites I frequent, so I thought I’d give it a shot. A teenage girl comes into conflict with the faerie world when she finds herself drawn into the bloody contract between the Light and Dark courts and falls in lust with a pretty but possibly treacherous Unseelie knight. Like most faerie lore, the story is full of dark undercurrents, hints of sex and intoxicants, violence, mortal danger, and powerful warping of people’s minds. It’s well-told and compelling – the characters, all well-drawn, may not be my cup of tea, but I still zipped through the story in a paroxysm of wanting to find out what happened. (nb. when I say that a character isn’t my cup of tea, I mean he or she isn’t someone I could see myself having a conversation with beyond, “Oh, you’re part of a story I read.” In less well-written books, it’s because they don’t actually have a character beyond being part of a story, but of course with Holly Black’s characters it’s nothing like that: it’s just that they don’t seem like the sort of people with whom I have much in common.) In conclusion, if dark and sexy YA is your thing, give it a read.

3. The Invention of Hugo Cabret, by Brian Selznick. Ahahahaha. How often is it that you read an interesting story and glean references for your PhD thesis from the author’s notes at the back? This is no run-of-the-mill book. I whipped through it in about thirty minutes. It’s put together with minimal words – a page or two interspersed here and there among sequences of beautiful black-and-white pictures, here and there mixed with old photographs. (It won the Caldecott this past year.) The story itself is an interesting take on an actual historical incident – to say more would be to spoil the plot. It’s set in mid-20th-century France, about an orphaned boy (the titular Hugo) who lives in a train station, where he steals food to survive and sets the clocks. (Er… this is not the historical part.)

4. I Am America, And So Can You! by Stephen Colbert. Maybe part of the fun of Stephen Colbert’s brand of humour is watching the words actually come out of his mouth. There’s something missing from seeing them in print, though the jokes are just as off-the-wall and ballsy as the ones he makes on his show. (Um… not that I am drawing from a large sample pool here – I don’t have a TV or time to watch it in. YouTube clips all the way! Shoes. [Warning – video in link has bad language.]) But, yeah, it’s still funny, and there’s still plenty of wit at the expense of loudmouth ultra-right-wingers. Along with stickers, punch-cards, etc. I dunno: lately, I find it really difficult to find comedy I appreciate that’s not improvised – some things are just clever enough that I would admire them if the speaker came up with them on the spur of the moment, but find them rather disappointing when viewed as the product of long, hard deliberation. And that’s why we all love Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Wayne Brady, and Eddie Izzard* :)

5. The Iron Man, by Ted Hughes. I have to admit that I don’t really remember the animated movie, but this novella for young readers has simple, flowing prose and a pretty fable about a giant robot that eats metal. While people fear him at first, by the end of the story, they’ve come to realize his goodness. The first half is reminiscent of Oscar Wilde’s allegorical fairy stories (for instance, “The Happy Prince” and “The Selfish Giant”, both available here); the second is a little more Paper Bag Princess (by Robert Munsch), but both are quite enjoyable.

6. Wicked Lovely, by Melissa Marr. I’m not quite sure how to explain that this is another sexy urban faerie book without sounding like I’m trying to dismiss it as one of “those” novels, which certainly would be undeserved. The protagonist, a girl who’s been able to see faeries all her life, must deal with the advances of the Summer King who seeks her as his queen, but to save the faerie kingdom, she may have to sacrifice her future happiness. This one’s a little less dark than Tithe or Ironside; although more actual onscreen sexy stuff happens, this novel is more romantic than erotic. In this story, sex isn’t a strange power to be feared, it’s something to think about and discuss and enjoy responsibly with the person you love, which is kind of cool.

7. the Silver Sequence, by Cliff McNish. Cliff McNish is at his best when he’s describing things happening to his characters’ bodies. He has a great visceral way of describing things that makes you feel them yourself. In the Silver Sequence, children from all over the world are being drawn to a cold beach in northern England. Once there, some find their bodies evolving into strange new shapes or developing weird new powers – changes, they eventually discover, that make them the last line of defense against a creature known as the Roar, headed toward the Earth with the purpose of devouring all life. The series is slow, thoughtful, and lyrical – no X Men here – but utterly gripping and evocative. The reader is sure from the beginning that the Roar will be defeated (what story like this could possible end with the destruction of all life on Earth?), but up until the very last minute, no one knows at what cost.

8. The Monsters of Morley Mansion, by Bruce Coville. Oh, Bruce Coville. I haven’t read his “My Teacher is an Alien” or “Aliens Ate My Homework” or “The Magic Shop” series in a long time, but reading this book made me remember why I liked them so much. When we meet our intrepid hero, he’s buying a set of monster figurines from the garage sale at the haunted mansion next door. Little does he know they’re about to come to life, involving him and his sister in an adventure that combines magic, aliens, and the afterlife. Bruce Coville has a roller-coaster way of taking his reader through the wackiest events a kid could imagine: strap yourself in, ’cause here we go! He always thinks of the interesting details I wondered about as a kid and writes them at about the same depth I would’ve at age ten or twelve. What if there were monsters you could talk to only when you crawled into their mouths? What would flowers on a another planet look like? What would you do if you could change your appearance to ANYTHING in the world? But one of the very best things Bruce Coville’s really good at is keeping the zany, upbeat tone of his books while allowing grown-up, life-changing things to happen to his characters: lovers are forever separated, people almost die, families lose a member. And yet, there’s still that sense of wonder and awe, and it all feels right by the end.

9. Breathe, by Cliff McNish. Remember how I said Cliff McNish was amazing at the visceral stuff? This book is about a severely asthmatic boy who can sense things about people by handling objects they touched. When he and his mom move into a house full of ghosts only he can perceive, they wind up battling a deranged evil. This book is quiet and insidious: you can feel the panic of your own lungs seizing up or the frustration of not being able to run away.

10. Uglies, by Scott Westerfeld. I have a secret to admit: I can’t take stories in which a sympathetic character is hiding an ugly secret from a character he or she loves or admires. There is nothing that makes me as tense as identifying with someone who HAS YET TO REVEAL an important lie or untangle a misunderstanding. So, while I liked Uglies and thought it was a heckuva original and interesting concept, most of the book made me cringe. In what would be a good way if you aren’t as neurotic as I am. In a society where everyone becomes a beautiful “pretty” on their sixteenth birthdays, Tally is forced to choose between staying an “ugly” forever and hunting down her runaway friend. My neurotic tenseness aside, it was fun to watch Tally’s opinions and ideas change through the story, and, while this is the first in a series and therefore ends with more plot to come, it still felt satisfying and complete.

11. A History of Violence (2005). In “podunk” America, family man and model citizen Tom Stall becomes a hero when he overpowers and kills a pair of murderers and rapists who try to terrorize his diner. However, his actions attract unwanted attention that may threaten his idyllic life. This movie has an interesting premise, but I felt like a lot of the actual scenes were poorly executed. For instance, at the beginning, we’re introduced to Tom and his family when his young daughter has a nightmare and every family member comes running in to comfort her. The dialogue clunks, the characters seem just a tad unbelievable, and some of the acting seems wooden and fake; at points, it almost feels like watching an after-school special. Still, if you want profound themes that stay with you, director David Cronenberg rarely disappoints. And the plot catalyst that came after the big heroic set-piece genuinely surprised me.

12. The Wizard Heir, by Cindy Williams Chima. This is the second in a series of which I haven’t read the first. Basically, in a world just like ours but with secret magical guilds, teenaged Seph’s burgeoning wizard powers are getting out of control, and he finds himself caught in the middle of a guild-revolution where both sides want him in their camp. Lots of fun, scary stuff in here, like a nasty cult leader who tortures stubborn would-be recruits in their dreams, and several fun twists (characters we thought were dead weren’t; characters we thought were good were evil; etc.) Admittedly, some of the twists are a little bit telegraphed, but Seph is still an interesting character – to semi-quote Robin Williams, phenomenal cosmic powers, teenaged uncertainty and raw imprecision. It’s the sort of novel where there’s plenty of tension (characters are brought to the end of their endurance), but the reader’s always sure good will triumph in the end, even if they don’t exactly know how. I’m definitely going to try to pick up the first book in this series (The Warrior Heir) and the third (The Dragon Heir).

13. The Watchers: A Mystery at Alton Towers, by Helen Cresswell. Two children from a home run away to the amusement park Alton Towers, only to encounter the mysterious and sinister King, who demands their servitude. He intends to take over from the park’s real King, a benevolent but elusive spirit. Can the kids stop him? Helen Cresswell is an awesome writer, and you should check out her books like Stonestruck to see what she can do to evoke the feeling of ancient, malevolent forces chasing children who are far from love and safety. The Watchers does a great job of detailing the protagonists’ day-to-day life in their new home and of drawing out the mystery. Despite the flurry of realism, there are some bits that made me think “G’wan, like that would happen in real life”, and the ending is a little disappointing, but it was still an interesting and enetertaining read.

14. WALL-E. I saw a movie in the theatres! And got sick on popcorn! (Five dollars for a small popcorn??? You better believe I’m eating all of it!) So Pixar’s latest animated extravaganza is about a little robot named WALL-E, who’s the last “living” creature left on Earth. His job is to clean up the mess humankind left behind before they ran off in a giant interstellar cruise ship to avoid the consequences of destroying their environment. But poor WALL-E is lonely – at least until another robot, a probe sent by the mothership, visits the planet looking for something. The movie is great fun to watch, and there are a lot of clever visual tricks, as we’ve all come to expect from Pixar. It’s actually a treat not to have much dialogue through the whole thing. There were some little points that bugged me, like half the time the robots had limitations that “real” robots would have, and the other half of the time, they do things like shiver when they’re frightened (why would they?), but otherwise, it was an enjoyable afternoon.

15. Last but not least, Remember Me, by Christopher Pike. Shari wakes up the morning after a party to discover she’s dead. The report says suicide, but she knows she was murdered. Now ghost!Shari has to figure out whodunnit so she can rest in peace. If you know who Christopher Pike (or R. L. Stine, or Dean Koontz) is, I probably don’t have to review any further. If not… well, I’m a sucker for protagonist-is-a-ghost stories (see the Ghost Twins series by Dian Curtis Regan – I ate those things up every Scholastic book order…). This one is interesting, with the main character a shallow California rich girl who learns to cope with life through death. Luckily, the cute, smart guy on whom she had a crush died a couple years before in a motorcycle accident (or was that really what happened?), so they can hook up in the afterlife. The villain’s motive and a number of the other plot twists are somewhat improbable, but you weren’t picking this up expecting Proust or Camus. There are some great, original scenes, like the one where our heroine is unsuccessfully trying to move an Ouija board pointer (think I wrote a scene like that once…) or when she figures out what the mysterious, nefarious Shadow is, and why it’s been following her. Basically, it’s like a cross between the best parts of Goosebumps books and the OC. Fun.

* Hint: one of these things is not like the others…